To know me is to know about the past seven years of my life. In order to properly introduce myself, I need to tell you about that time because in the past seven years, I have changed entirely. If you knew me only before 2011, you do not know me.
I was only twenty years old when I got married in 2010. I know that this is very young, but that continues to be one of the best decisions I have made thus far in my life. In 2011, we decided to try for a baby. I was pregnant right away. May 2011, I celebrated my first Mother’s Day. This photo was taken shortly after that day. The 6 years following this photo, I was unable to celebrate another Mother’s Day because a few weeks later I lost my baby.
At first I had hope that because I became pregnant so quickly, I would be pregnant again right away, but instead of celebrating Mother’s Day the following year, I was undergoing IUI treatments that ultimately failed.
Year after year passed before I was able to finally celebrate again. Every year I would hole up in my house and avoid social media because the memory of my only Mother’s Day haunted me and the pain of not celebrating was overbearing.
This is my first year truly celebrating. I was very pregnant during the holiday last year, but any woman who has lost a child in any form will tell you, a loss makes you acutely aware that life is not guaranteed. I know this is dark, but pregnancy after loss is scary. I am beyond blessed to have my healthy baby boy, but I know that not all are so lucky. I forewent the traditional thankful Mother’s Day posts on social media because even though I am so blessed, I do not want to hurt those who are still waiting.
1 in 8 couples have trouble conceiving. To those who are still waiting, I will not say anything as trite as “everything happens for a reason,” but I will say that in the past seven years, I have learned and experienced more, good and bad, than many do in a lifetime. I have grown and transformed into a person who I am truly proud to be. More than anything in the world, I hope that those who are waiting for their miracle get to experience it, and soon, and I hope that in your wait, you have a supportive community by your side.
For those of you who have never had to experience the same pain, I am truly happy for you and you should consider yourself blessed. I implore you to remember your neighbor’s pain and be considerate. You may not be able to relate, but you can always be kind.
